New York - (Ass Mess): A team of plastic surgeons, clinical psychatrists and orthodontists has patented a radical procedure that cures evangelical preachers from claiming Jesus is more effective at healing cancer than cutting edge medical therapy.
The announcement comes as tele-evangelist Darlene Bishop is sued by her family for claiming the power of prayer cured her brother of terminal throat cancer when the man was patently dead 18 months after rejecting conventional oncological advice.
Now Ms Bishop has been invited to become the first ever official patient in the pioneering surgery being offered to rabid evangelicals whose considerable livelihood depends on convincing followers to part with large sums of cash.
The procedure involves an initial psychiatric diagnosis to determine the depth of superstitious psychosis that the evangelist is experiencing. This is followed up by a simple operation under local anaesthetic whereby the mouth is stitched up leaving only a 5% aperture for basic eating and drinking.
In clinical trials 99% of patients were still effectively cured of their condition six months after the procedure and as a bonus, many had also lost unsightly weight.
The surgery is being hailed as a complete breakthrough and although medical costs are involved the alternative of an official legal gagging order in a defamation/quackery lawsuit would work out millions of dollars more expensive according to latest figures available.
Ms Bishop was unavailable for comment today.