Kazakhstan - (Ass Mess): The Corot telescope that was launched from Baikonur Cosmodrome Baikonur Cosmodrome this morning on a Mission Impossible headline of searching for alien life in the Cosmos is secretly tracking Mormon fantasist and Presidential wannabe Walter Mitty Romney who has vowed to declare his 2008 White House running intentions in a few days time.
Using the latest high-tech SatNav probes linked to an implant in the Latterday Asshole's frontal lobe, the Corot will read Romney's every thought, hear every spoken word and second-guess his every move before beaming down the data to an ultra top secret and highly covert MI6 listening station located at 25 The Gables, Upper Wormington, Beds.
Top notch MoD cryptologists will then decipher the data and attempt to send appropriate microwave frequencies to influence the Massachusetts Governor into revealing the sources of his presidential campaign funding which European spooks claim have been creamed off Euro-Septic animal rights slush funds.
Romney, 56, has developed a confident and smarmy swagger in recent years and invested heavily in self-publicity campaign as a bona-fide heterosexual husband and father of five.
But a few questions remain about that pothole in the American Ambassador's garden at the London residency where some seminal career moments of his formative years lie buried and largely undisturbed.