Written by Jaggedone
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Tuesday, 10 October 2017

image for Fingerprints on condoms can get you locked up!
Keep your fingers off! Scientists now know who's a wanker or not!

Scientists in the UK are doing tests that can prove men using condoms actually handled them by finding their fingerprints, even after use (unless she puts it on)!

This knowledge will be invaluable for tracking down rapists or flashers, who never use condoms anyway, claim scientists!

"It is obvious," said one scientist, "that men who indulge in rape or flashing their pride and joy to innocent women are a bunch of tossers, and whilst surfing over the internet, they obviously use condoms because they can't use them whilst raping or horrifying others (?)."

"So if a rapist / flasher is identified by its victim, we can then search his house for used condoms (YUK!), get his fingerprints, prove he is an absolute tosser and throw him in the slammer where he and others like him belong because nobody believes poor women who have been raped anyway!"

Now, this piece of rocket science is certainly going to put the fear of Christ into any wanker planning on raping somebody and hopefully will put them off from doing their dastardly deeds.

So wannabee rapists, pedophiles, flashers, tossers and wankers out there, there is no escape now! So, just go the your local GP and ask if you can become a Eunuch, you'd be doing the world a great service!!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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