Written by D. L. Hawkinson
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Topics: School

Thursday, 14 September 2017

image for Yelling in School Improves Academic Achievement
What happens when there's too much yelling

It's true.

But the yelling must be done not by teachers but by students themselves. Who after all listens to teachers, especially when they're yelling?

Studies have been done on this very phenomenon, and they have consistently demonstrated that .166% of students listen to teachers who yell. This strongly correlates to the same percentage of students who can't get through their phy-ed classes without actually wetting themselves.

As it turns out, students improve their learning by 25-39% if exposed to several hours of yelling by other students, the louder and higher pitched the better.

Scientists are baffled about why this happens.

They will continue to do research on the issue, although many have abandoned their research, having suffered long and painful head-aches after spending even a few minutes in the local schools.

Until then, one journalist, also curious about the subject, asked Jake Langers, a local freshman, why he thinks students yelling at students improves academic performance.

Langers responded, "Whaaat?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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