Written by Jaggedone
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Binge Drinking

Sunday, 23 July 2017

image for Binge drinking UK females are smoking themselves to death!
It's no wonder Brit females are dying earlier than European females; they love a "bake off!"

Compared to other European countries Brit binge-drinking, heavy smoking females on unhealthy diets, are dying earlier than European females doing the same! Why?

Although Spanish, Greek, Italian, etc, females love a booze up, smoke like chimney pots, and generally behave the same as their British counterparts, Brit females are way behind in the life longevity league according to scientists, and now they are hoping to find the reason behind the mystery!

Fear not, Jaggedone has all the answers, and here are some:

1) European women wear clothes according to their climate; Brit females wear the same thing all year; high heels, no socks, short skirts, mini tops, tangas and cleavage busters causing cold pussies and frozen titties which lead to early cancer symptoms!

2) Brit women love butter, European women love olive oil, especially when giving head, and olive oil is much healthier when swallowed!

3) Binge drinking Brit females, after 11.00pm, fall all over the place, break their necks on their stilettos, puke in public and generally act like morons after a good night out on the town! European women have all night to booze hence, they take it easier!

4) Brit women smokers love their fags and they will smoke anywhere; on the bog, in the house, in the car, public transport, in fact nowhere is safe when a Brit female craves for a fag! European women have the same problem, but in Europe generally, smoking is forbidden inside and the temperatures in Spain, Italy, France, Greece, Portugal, etc, tend to be more attractive for smoking outside, so Euro female smokers smoke healthier outside and don't kill passive smokers while they are enjoying their filthy habit!

5) The main reason why European women live longer than Brits is very simple though; Due to Brexit booze will become 35% more expensive, especially wine, causing heart attacks, stress and suicide!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 3?

9 1 16 6
52 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more