Written by Samuel Vargo
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 21 July 2017

image for Early on, Planet Earth looked like a giant jelly doughnut, scientists theorize
Early in its infancy, the earth probably resembled a giant doughnut, according to the latest science news. Yummy!

The latest in science news theorizes that the earth was originally a Synestia - it took on a giant jelly doughnut shape early in its history, about 4.5 billion years ago.

Some scientists believe the earth was originally a blob of mostly vaporized rock with an indented center, resembling something you'd see on the shelf of a doughnut shop, so posits Science News in an article that appeared on its web magazine Friday, July 21.

According to Science News: This synestia wouldn't have had much of a solid or liquid surface. And the structure could have spread to about 100,000 kilometers across or more, much larger than its original 13,000 kilo­meters or so. The added girth would have come from rock vaporizing and continuing to spin quickly, which would puff up and flatten the shape.

If Earth went through a synestia state, it was short-lived. An object Earth's size would have quickly cooled and condensed back into a solid, spherical rock in 100 to 1,000 years, researchers write online May 22 in the Journal of Geophysical Research: Planets. Rocky bodies may become synestias several times before settling into a permanent planet shape, say planetary scientists Simon Lock of Harvard University and Sarah Stewart of the University of California, Davis. They came up with the term synestia from syn-, meaning together, and Hestia, the Greek goddess of home, hearth and architecture.

No one has seen a synestia in space. But the weird structures could be out there, waiting to be discovered in solar systems far away, Science News suggests.

Such news will inevitably make amateur astronomers out of a lot of cops. Although the stigma is unfair these days, it's been long assumed that cops love doughnuts. And oh well, so do most of the rest of us. But these days, as violent and speedy as criminals are on foot, most police officers diet, exercise and spend a lot more time at karate school than they do at a doughnut shop.

"I've never had a doughnut in my life," said Capt. John Silliman, a patrolman with the Gary, Ind., police SWAT team. "In fact, I get so much exercise chasing these crooked monsters around every night that I don't even belong to a gym. I probably average running at least five miles a night. Most of it is at a full sprint, too."

What's rather suspicious about the Science News story is, though, how in the world do scientists know that such a thing as a Synestia exists, if there is no evidence of one even being noticed before by astronomers? Yes, there are doughnuts galore all over the place. Of all varieties and flavors - but what we really want to see is that special doughnut flying around a star somewhere in orbit in outer spaces.

Oh well, the next time you go stargazing, try to pick out that giant thing in the sky that appears flat and narrow but has a funky sort of center. You could have an astronomical anomaly named after you.

Make Samuel Vargo's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

6 9 5 14
67 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more