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Topics: NASA, Jupiter

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

image for NASA probe to fly by Jupiter's left testicle
An artist's impression of one of Jupiter's testicles, if the universe were made of shit

A space probe is about to complete a five year journey literally to the lap of the Gods. NASA's Scrote 3000 is expected to fly by the loins of Roman God Jupiter (often considered the same as Greek God Zeus) on Friday at brunch-time, taking detailed photographs and measurements of the deity's testicle.

It is not the first time that NASA have explored the nether regions of divine beings. Famously the Perv 5 Explorer was the first space probe to complete an orbit of Mars' penis, before crash landing on his frenulum to observe the effect. Going back further, in 1969 astronaut Geoff Landing was the first man to plant the flag on Uranus's perineum.

Scientists assure nervous mortals that Jupiter will not be harmed in the slightest by the spacecraft, as it is so miniscule compared to him. It is hoped that the Scrote probe will offer new scientific understanding of the nature of Jupiter's giant balls, perhaps even observing whether they are shaved or not, and whether his sac shows any sign of sagging.

Astronomer Parsley Arsely said that he would be observing the events keenly on the internet with his trousers down, so that he could compare Jupiter's parts to his own. "My wife always says I have the testes of a god," he said ballsily.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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