Written by Jaggedone
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: UK, Heatwave

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

image for Heatwave creates innovative methods in how to get some kip!
One thing one should avoid; being totally bonkers and laying in it!

The heatwave affecting most of Europe has caused many people to create methods of getting some sleep. In fact, such situations sometimes bring out the very best in people (and sadly sometimes the worst!).

Here are Jaggedone's methods for UK sufferers who are only used to rain, rain, and more rain.

1) Avoid watching Theresa May on TV attempting to explain why she's a born loser because watching her makes one hot under the white collar!

2) Avoid watching any reports about Brexit because blaming the Spanish and Portuguese for causing even more misery only makes frustrated Brits even hotter!

3) Go to bed in a deep freezer, but beware you could stick to the ice!

4) Watch polar bears, they are cool!

5) Avoid the London Underground, it stinks, is hot, and overcrowded, and the experience has overwhelming, melt-down consequences in the evening before bedtime!

6) Get pissed!

7) No hot sex and only allow your partner to give you oral sex because it burns less energy and avoids energetic bouncing up and down, hence reducing sweat levels!

8) If you must have sex, do it with the fridge door open and change positions by hanging your butts in the ice department but, a small note of warning; males do not put your dick in the deep freeze, it could make your pride and joy shrink and she won't accept that!

9) Sleep under a bridge and show solidarity to the homeless!

10) Do not read The Sun, it causes one to sweat, become nauseating and tends to overheat ones grey cells if one has any because buying this rag proves you haven't any anyway!

11) Avoid attempting to find David Cameron in public, he's hiding in Europe after bringing the UK to the brink of disaster, and attempting to understand why the bastard did it makes one boil!!

There you have it, Jaggedone's fabulous remedies for keeping cool in bed during the heatwave, just chill man, chill!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

3 12 20 24
32 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more