Written by Purple Girl
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Friday, 23 June 2017

image for NASA forced to reconsider colonizing new planet after aliens report violent attacks
NASA may need to reconsider colonizing a newly discovered planet with inmates after the inhabitants report being attacked.

After restarting the NASA program that lie dormant under the Obama Administration, NASA had finally discovered a planet that was fit for human habitation. They needed volunteers to inhabit the discovered planet. As a condition for funding the project, NASA was required to take steps to help the government reduce prison populations and violence. So NASA decided, under pressure, to release many prison inmates to the newly discovered planet. That seemed like the quickest way to colonize the planet and meet Justice Department goals. However, that was not without unintended consequences.

According to Oig Xauo, a prime minister on Planet Spot, "We wish the Earthlings would have never come here. Crime has skyrocketed in the Yggou Province, and our females are getting assaulted in the worst way. We're sick of it! I visited the hospital here where several of our women reported waking to large, dark space aliens in their sleeping pods with them."

There seems to be all sorts of health consequences for the citizens of Planet Spot too. Dr. Jiao Naog said, "We recently delivered babies that look a bit unusual. They have less cranial vermiform tentacles than typical, but have this peculiar, black, tightly curled keratinous tissue growing between them. According to Earthling doctors, this is hair, and this type is unique to certain Earthlings. That seems to correspond to what our law enforcement is telling us about what's happening. The challenges faced by the offspring are yet to be seen."

Tempers are seeming to rise among Spotian activists. "How dare you Earthlings come to our planet and harm our women! It's no wonder why you weren't welcome on your planet and had to come to ours," says Viau Xymaou. "Our group is committed to making this violence stop," she added. "Some of our ladies are talking about removing the replication tentacles of some of the Earthling males. We don't condone such actions, but everyone is so angry and frustrated right now."

An unnamed NASA spokesperson claims they are investigating complaints and that they cannot be held responsible for the consequences following orders and that this is outside of their jurisdiction.

So what will happen with this situation is yet to be seen. Tensions and tempers seem to be high and nobody knows how to solve this dilemma. Yggou police are bracing themselves for more violence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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