Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Topics: diamonds, Coal

Monday, 1 May 2017

image for Bodybuilder Squeezes Coal Between Butt Cheeks to Create Diamonds
Debi Lou Byrd made several diamonds while posing for this photo.

Forget buns of steel, champion bodybuilder Debi Lou Byrd has set a world precedent for any athlete: her buns can literally squeeze coal into diamonds.

Debi's Diamonds are very small and not up to gem quality and so the diamond industry has barely noticed Byrd's impact in terms of sales volume. Still, Byrd has carved out a nice niche market for herself, according to diamond expert Obe Mondoly.

"These are mostly a curiosity because of the way they are made, Ms. Byrd has a huge following that is driving sales of her diamonds. But Zayles and the like don't have to worry about competition from artificial diamonds yet: the quality either isn't there, or it's too expensive to manufacture."

The five times Ms. Olympia is well known for smelling like burning coal and her freakishly developed glutes (butt cheeks for you pencil-necks out there). Byrd says she spends a lot of time thinking about making diamonds during her marathon five hour glute workouts.

"I might spend an hour or more just doing isometric exercises on my glutes, and the trick to maintaining intensity through that is to concentrate on an image, and my image is of squeezing a lump of coal into a diamond. So now I am literally making diamonds while I'm figuratively sculpting my body into a diamond as well."

Byrd credits her success in the diamond business to an old science teacher at Thomas Jefferson High School in Pine Ridge, Colorado. She says the teacher once told a fanciful tale to her old high school science class.

"Mr. Grayballs told this story about an old Superman cartoon from the fifties where Superman picked up a piece of coal and squeezed it into a diamond. Mr. Grayballs made the point that Superman would have needed a freight car full of coal to make a diamond in that way."

"My natural inclination when he told the story was to challenge it, because logically if it took a whole freight car of coal to make a diamond, then diamonds would be too dense to wear or even pick up."

Apparently the science teacher had been waiting for years for a student to challenge his assertion about how much coal would be needed to make a diamond the Superman way. At the end of the semester, Mr. Grayballs always told his science class that the story was a test to see if students were paying attention, and that it was a reminder to students not to blindly accept whatever someone says to them.

Debi's Diamonds can now be purchased right from the bodybuilder's blog as well as from this writer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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