Written by JP Johnston
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Monday, 20 March 2017

image for Web Science Repetition Threatens Ice Sheet
There Is The Theory Of the Mobius...

A new study has found that science website articles repeat themselves frequently. Linguists from the Universitat Grossen Luegen in Cologne, Germany have analysed over seventy thousand articles appearing in major publications and websites and have found that the second paragraph is frequently IDENTICAL to the first, except for a change in size or font.

A new study has found that science website articles repeat themselves frequently. Linguists from the Universitat Grossen Luegen in Cologne, Germany have analysed over seventy thousand articles appearing in major publications and websites and have found that the second paragraph is frequently IDENTICAL to the first, except for a change in size or font.

Findings also indicate that the third paragraph, sometimes in yet another type size, simply paraphrases the first two, frequently with quotes from obscure, ugly and eccentric academics to make it appear to be making headway into the subject, about which there is clearly nothing more to say. "Sometimes they are saying exactly the same thing again and again," says Dr Heinrich Spudmascher, through truly interesting teeth. "It's as if the whole world has turned into those people who need a whole television documentary summarised after each commercial break, like they've forgotten the whole thing."

According to the study, computer server farms required to store the superfluous words are estimated to have cost more than the moon landings and the amount needed to solve third world poverty combined, and release enough heat to melt the Antarctic ice sheet three times over each year. Dr Spudmascher is currently smoking freebase cocaine in a shed in Patagonia, waiting for the internet to collapse and the real world to start again.

Meanwhile the British paper The Daily Express has been caught out repeating verbatim a story it printed in 1958, although updating the racial descriptions to reflect today's multicultural society. Instead of "Freeloading Darkies" there are "Syrian economic migrants" and replacing "Hordes of octoroon rapists" they have inserted "Boatloads of Muslim asylum seekers." "It's political correctness gone mad!" claims the author, ninety-four-year-old Obersturmbannfuhrer Otto Krebs. "Political correctness is censorship."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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