Written by Jaggedone
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 13 March 2017

image for Eating cheese, drinking coffee and full moon not responsible for sleepless nights anymore!
Those were the days when Rippers prowled, now all we have is insomnia caused by LED's!

The human race has many issues to deal with; wars, ISIS, Putin, conflicts, flooding, global warming, pollution, third-world famines, Geert Wilders; among many others.

Now it seems humans are becoming affected by a new phenomena, LED street lights! Yes street lights cause insomnia! Once upon a time yellow, soft lights decorated our streets. Nowadays councils are changing street lamps into prison-like floodlights that pry into people's bedrooms after dark causing nausea, insomnia and sex in the shadows (well that's OK!).

The reason why streetlamps are being exchanged is money of course! LED lamps last much longer and financial-stretched councils are opting for LED instead of the cosy, warming, yellow lamps that Jack the Ripper used to love (did they have electricity in those days?).

Jaggedone's scientific dept of his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army), who prefer creeping around in the dark anyway, have been studying this latest hiccup in the evolution of humankind and come to a mind-blowing solution for this latest disease to inflict humans and here its is:

"Close your damn curtains you buttholes! Or if you have no curtains, pull the blinds down! And just because wives don't want sex with the light on, go down in the cellar and don't forget the candles (naughty)!"

There you have it Jaggedone's cure for insomnia caused by LED streetlamps (Jack would have been rippingly proud)!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 4?

1 10 8 4
30 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more