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Topics: Donald Trump, cult

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Scientists from the University of Downton, England, have discovered that Americans who support Donald Trump have a significantly lower IQ than the average American. The news comes as little surprise to poor-basher Professor Tarquin Smythe-Wazzock, who said he could not believe that undereducated Yanks still had any belief in their new gaffe-prone president and must be "running round with their fingers in their ears".

"It's astonishing," said Professor Tarquin Smythe-Wazzock. "Not only are Trump supporters of below average intellect, but when they are told of the fact, they react with anger and denial. Some of them even attempt to glorify their stupidity!" he exclaimed, pointing to record sales of "deplorable and proud" T-shirts.

The study concluded that American Trump voters secretly love to be told how dumb they are, especially by posh English professors. Smythe-Wazzock continued, "It appears that Americans are de-evolving before our eyes - not that any of these idiots believe in evolution in the first place."

According to the monocled boffin, Trump supporters are "mostly made up of angry white losers - like Trump himself. They have lost their jobs to robots and their only pleasure in life is to take crystal meth and watch TV all day. No wonder they're voting for Trump, they're so high they have forgotten how dumb they are."

Smythe-Wazzock did not think the Trump phenomenon would end well, saying that his followers are showing the classic signs of a personality cult. "The denial, the willingness to believe in anything he spouts. The most likely ending is that the President and all his followers will go and hide in a bunker somewhere in the mid-West to get away from the media, then commit mass suicide. And the sooner the better!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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