Written by Danyal
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Topics: Science, Socks, Physics

Friday, 10 February 2017

Ed, a physicist at Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory, says he's found the next ground breaking theory in physics. He claims he has found evidence disproving the law of conservation of mass with socks. The law of conservation of mass is regarded as a fundamental truth in science. Einstein used it when he mathematically derived the equation E=mc^2. Mass and energy can be converted to different forms but the overall amount must stay the same according to the law.

"It occurred to me while I was doing laundry" says Ed. Ed is certain that socks are the only thing in the universe that break the law of conservation of mass. Whenever Ed does laundry, he observes that he always ends up with fewer socks in the end. Since the amount of socks placed in the dryer doesn't equal the amount taken out after, it can be scientifically shown that the law of conservation of mass was broken.

Amount of Socks in > Amount of Socks out

I asked him if he plans to publish his findings in Nature. He says he'll consider but after conducting further experiments to collect more data. Right now, his findings are only true for socks in a dryer.

As always, there is great controversy surrounding the discovery. Derik, a software engineer also at Hopkins, claims there must be other logical reasons. When pressed, he says either the socks are made with dark matter or there's a wormhole in Ed's dryer. Derik is known as a purist since he believes the law of conservation of mass can't be broken.

Whatever the real reason may be about the socks disappearing, I believe this is an exciting time in the field of physics which has been really stagnant since the advent of String Theory. If Ed publishes his findings, a Nobel Prize in Physics is surely to follow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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