Written by Richie
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Sunday, 1 January 2017

image for Scientists discover missing particle responsible for racism
Representation of a brainless racist. (Jim is not one btw)

Work carried out by scientists at CERN and published in this month's Nature Journal detail the surprise results of the experiment. Prof Brian Cox (not the leading scientist on the experiment but the only one lay people know) explains the findings, whilst pointing at the sky like a camp Nazi.

'Forget the Higgs or the Graviton this is the real find of the century, our most advanced models, Cindy, Victoria and that one with the big eyebrows, failed to predict it.

'In a nutshell, well in the collider, we took two racist and accelerated them to 99.99999% the speed of light, then smashed them together. By piecing the smashed bits of racist back together we could determine with 1000% accuracy that the body of a racist does in fact contain no brain particles. That's all that separates us, a brain, remarkable really when you think about it as on the surface we seem so similar.'

It's hoped that with this new discovery we will soon be able to accurately determine if someone is in fact a racist, instead of the unreliable method of referendums and elections.

Before lowering his arm, Prof Cox added; 'Of course, for this theory to hold up we will need to take it to the next level with higher energies and more profound racist, so if Mr Trump and Mr Farage would like to help advance scientific understanding, CERN would be happy to smash you into millions of little pieces.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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