Humanologists from the Dumas Institute, Paris, have analysed US election results going back nearly two hundred years and have reached some staggering conclusions. Voters are now less intelligent than ever before, and are making worse choices for their leader.
Professor Pierre Revue said, "Some of these shit-for-brains rednecks are so stupid I'm surprised they can even find the polling station, never mind hold a pencil in their grubby Neanderthal paws and make their mark on the ballot paper."
Other scientists were equally dismissive of the new president. Dr Stuart Pidd of Oxbridge Polytechnic declared that Donald Trump is "so dumb that he makes George W Bush look like Ronald Reagan."
He continued. "People don't like elites, but we have always had one. If you replace the elite, another elite takes their place. And you can't get much more elite than spoilt billionaire Donald Trump who inherited most of his money."
"But although he is a member of the elite, he is also really dumb. And so people vote for him. For decades people have been voting for dumber and dumber elites to rule them, and now finally we have a US president who is so dumb he doesn't even know how to rule."
However, not everyone in the field of humanology was agreed on the subject. Dr Mary Cousins of Redneck University, Alabama thought that it was inevitable that voters would look dumb when the choices were so poor. She explained, "It's like asking someone if they think 2 plus 2 is 5 or 2 plus 2 is 6 and then calling them dumb when they get it wrong. Everyone knows the answer is 3."
She suggested that having more candidates on the ballot paper would improve the chances of finding one who wasn't so mediocre. She wasn't optimistic that this would ever happen in the US, as it would mean overturning hundreds of years of polarising politics and introducing a more European, cooperative style of government.
"They had a referendum for that kind of voting system in the UK a few years back and it got soundly rejected. But that's probably because they only put two choices on the ballot. And British people are stupid."