Bangalore, India - (Ass Mess): Following initial outrage over racist allegations that the global one-size-fits-all condom policy leaves much to be desired in males of the Indian sub-continent a leading prophylactic manufacturer has vowed to introduce a new range of products marketed along similar lines to bra cup-sizing.
But the revamped sales strategy will have to by-pass obvious loss-making pitfalls such as the promotion of an ubiquitous 30A model which might deter timid males from any attempts at contraception whatsoever.
One campaign proposal is the introduction of hero-type brand images such as the 'Tom Cruise', the 'Bill Clinton' and of course the 'Borat' models. Other marketing ploys under consideration include the promotion of the very smallest size products under the brand of the 'Whopper'.
A condoms industry spokesman said today that some extremely popular marketing strategies had been thrown out at the very onset despite obvious success in the general retail sector:
"We considered Tesco's slogan 'every little helps' but in the end it didn't even come into the top three winning ideas at the drawing board stage."
The condom industry's dilemma continues.