Written by thomas o'hanlon
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Topics: Computers

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

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Satch Farley: "good with computers"

Satch Farley of Binghamton has taken out a full page add in the Binghamton Post seeking employment in the computer industry on the basis that he is good with computers.

Mr. Farley, a 26-year-old landscaper living in his parents' basement lists as his attributes the following: I can download, I can upload, I can copy and paste. I can send and receive e-mails, I know the difference between the dash thingy and the underline thingy. When in Word I am not afraid to use any font.

I called the reach number on the add and asked Mr. Farley if he had any offers yet.

"No" he said "but I think it's because I have no college which is ironic because I learned to do all this without taking one computer class so it shows my learning capabilities are vast I would think"

When asked what specific job in the industry he is seeking he explained "Oh anything, engineer, programmer. I think my jack of all trades reputation I've earned in the landscaping world would translate well"

"How so?" I asked.

"Ok, so, last Saturday?...no it was Sunday because Saturday I was hung over all day, so Sunday I am cutting Mrs. Bertillini's grass when she comes out and asks me if when I finish could I spread a few bags of mulch for her. Done! Didn't even hesitate even though I never did that before. Came out nice"

"I see you have also listed as attributes" I said "that you spend a lot of time on Facebook and you Google quite often"

"Nobody can Google better than me" he said "as soon as I hit enter, Bang, the answer is there. Sometimes I think it's there before I hit enter so once I pretended to hit enter to see if the answer would come up but no. Hey that would be a perfect job for me!" he said

"Whats that?" I asked.
"I can be the vice president in charge of googling, who has time to google anymore? I'll have an office and a computer and people will knock on my door and say
'hey can you google something for me?' and I'll say
'sure just write the question on the google blackboard and I'll get to it when its your turn'
Then when I have the answer I won't bring it to them or call them I will e-mail to them because I am good with computers!"

"Despite, your lack of education" I said "I see you have offered to 'take a class or two if I have to' any classes in particular?"

"I would not be reluctant to learn the Al Gore rhythm and I'm interested in watching some computer programs."

A quick glance at the Binghampton want adds shows no openings for Vice President in charge of Googling.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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