The world's favourite atheist Richard Dawkins today announced that he had inadvertently proved the existence of a higher power with a penis. He was seen to be sitting in an Oxford pub before he threw his drink to ground, leapt to his feet and ran out the door shouting "eureka", or words to that effect.
After he was calmed down and given a drink to steady his nerves, Dawkins revealed that he had a spiritual epiphany while gazing down the barmaid's cleavage.
"I was rather impressed with them," he said, "which got me on to thinking just how rare good tits are. And as I thought more on this, I realised that pretty girls in general are getting to be something of a novelty."
Dawkins steadied his hand on his drink before taking a deep breath, and continuing.
"Then it hit me. The majority of people are below average."
"Now if the universe was controlled purely by concrete physical laws, then that would mean that exactly half the population would be above average. But they're not!"
"There must be some sort of supernatural entity that can violate the very principles of mathematics in order to make half of the population below average."
Dawkins's declaration briefly caused controversy in the scientific establishment before an extensive review of every selfie on Instagram confirmed that almost all of the human population is brute ugly. The prevailing view in the Royal Society of Biology is now that the universe is controlled by a cruel and malicious god of unimaginable power. Thankfully he seems to be content with just making sex a chore for 80% of the population.
"And he's got to be a bloke," said Dawkins, "because no woman has that bad a sense of humour."