London - (Ass Mess): Thames Water has applied for an immediate hose pipe ban following reports that water may have flowed on Mars as recently as ten years ago.
The move comes after intense lobbying from Friends of the Earth who are also demanding the immediate installation of compulsory water meters on the red planet's surface.
Department of the Environment experts have repeatedly warned that yet another dry winter on Mars could spell havoc for dwindling supplies.
And a permanent drought order application may also have to be granted just to keep the score even with hapless residents of South East England who endured the consequences of yet another Scorched Earth Policy this summer.
But experts at rival environmental stink tanks have slammed the Mars proposals as a cynical knee jerk reaction that will only cause panic-hoarding of the precious resource.
Meanwhile, a spokesman for Texas-based Zion Oil has ridiculed the idea that any water has been spotted on the icy planet's surface:
"That there's one giant oil slick", he said, "and Zion Oil has just been granted full prospecting rights by the Bush Administration.
"Drilling commences just as soon as we get that base up on the Moon."