Written by mikewadestr
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Sunday, 10 July 2016

image for New Vacuum Cleaner Doubles as a Watch Dog
This thing will suck the crap out of anything, even Hillary's emails.

The Silicon Valley tech company of Lonco has just produced its latest product called Dogvac which is set to be released into the market on August 12 of this year. Dogvac is by far Lonco's most ingenious invention ever as it combines the high powered suction of a vacuum cleaner with the tenacity of a Doberman pinscher dog guard.

Dogvac has built in Doberman pinscher DNA which enables it to act as a fully functional attacking guard dog to be used to protect against unscrupulous burglars, threatening neighbors and annoying door to door telemarketers trying to circumvent the "no call list". The DNA, also, gives the Dogvac leeway in determining which guest of the family might be the most hostile and threatening. This makes Dogvac an excellent choice to have around when your brother in law Bubba starts telling cow tipping jokes.

Running solely on a cold fusion reactor Dogvac is not only 5 star energy efficient but extremely safe for the environment and produces 50,000 psi of pure vacuum force, which is enough to suck in a late model Honda Civic. The reactor has a 10,000 year warranty as the fusion reaction of Helium in the reactor will easily last 10,000 years. The rest of the Dogvac, however, will have a standard 1 year warranty due to the fact that the non-nuclear parts of Dogvac will be no more than a pile of dust after 10,000 years.

Dogvac is completely harmless to all your family members. It can be walked like a normal dog, never poops on the carpet and can play fetch with various dust bunnies found under beds and clothes dressers.

This amazing device by Lonco costs a mere $19.99. But, wait, if you order now Lonco will throw in Catvac to eradicate any mice infestations you may have as well as chasing any loose strings hanging around your home. Catvac will, also, have an attitude of a not wanting to be petted and ignoring anything you tell it to do.

As of press time it has been rumored that beta testing of Dogvac and Catvac has been producing unpredictable results with several Dogvacs attacking their owners and more than several Catvacs leaving their owners and living with their owner's neighbors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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