Written by Mike Las Alva
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Tuesday, 14 June 2016

image for Bionic Leaf Created, "Deforestation Not Really an Issue Anymore."
"All of these trees are now completely obsolete."

The quest for a perfect energy source has now been discovered by students at MIT. It is called Leaf-2.3. It could soon replace all the leaves in existence and do a better job at cleaning our air. It works the same way as a regular leaf, by taking in carbon, and releasing oxygen. It can also be used to charge your phone and boost your WiFi.

"God really didn't know how to make anything." says Clark McDunglebuns PhD., Professor of Leaf-Sciences. "What we have here is a leaf that doesn't need any of that crap from nature, and if we don't need nature, then all of these trees are now completely obsolete: deforestation is not really an issue anymore. Companies and corporations all across the world can go out to the Amazon, the Congo, and all those crappy little asian countries like Thailand and Singapore; they can strip-mine the hell out of them and all we have to do is make this Bionic Leaf!"

Professor McDunglebuns and his team of mostly legal students have been working on their "Robo-Leaf" for the better part of four years. However, this does not mean that they have not had any opposition. A branch of Green Peace called Remember Da Timber has had a growing dislike for this grass-roots effort. Their ire first sprouted when the research team announced they would not make bark or flowers.

To be sure, the future is here, and it is out with the old and in with the new.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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