Science Town, USA Donald Trump made an announcement today that he wished to purchase the planet Mercury.
"I had my people do a title search and it appears that it is not owned by anyone. I therefore claim the right to purchase the planet. I should own Mercury. People say I'm mercurial and I have blonde hair like the yellow sun and Mercury is close to the sun so I should own it," claimed Trump.
"Besides, I'm a billionaire and I should be able to buy anything I want. What's the use of having a billion dollars if you can't buy whatever you want?" said Trump.
Meanwhile, Mercury announced it would leave the Solar System if it had to in order to avoid having anything to do with Trump.