Written by Paul Blake
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Friday, 3 July 2015

image for Miami Hires SpaceX For 4th Of July Fireworks Display
Space X's future just might be in lower orbit... way, way lower.

Miami, FL - Miami Mayor, Roberto Pinkipants, needed to find a new fireworks display company for their upcoming 4th of July fireworks extravaganza - and they needed it fast! But, of course, the problem is, every company in the business is pretty busy this time of year.

Left in a pickle, it seems that the the City of Miami had been double-crossed by the scoundrels that they had originally contracted to produce the Independence Day light show. "Thems' carnies in charge of the production split town with our million bucks and disconnected their phone, which ain't that uncommon of thing to have happen here in southern Florida - or Florida in general!" explained a forlorn Mayor Pinkipants.

So Mayor Pinkipants quickly turned to visionary genius, Elon Musk, and his SpaceX organization. "Everyone here at City Hall was very impressed with the footage we'd seen of his rocket launches on Youtube. I swiveled my chair around to my deputy mayor and said, 'this is our guy! He knows how to make things explode real good - and waste a shitload of money while doing it!' Needless to say, we got old Elon on the Skype machine right away! And sent out payment using PayPal, of course."

Mayor Pinkipants isn't concerned about wasting the rest of Miami's annual entertainment budget for the year, since he'll largely be dipping into the Dade County kindergarten school fund, to front the SpaceX bill. "How many stupid drawings of a boxy-looking house and their family do kids really need to drag home? Seeing a rocket full of sciencey stuff explode over Key Biscayne is sure to be far more of an educational experience! Plus, forget about sparklers - we even got Musky to throw in a bunch of free Telsa car batteries for the kids to light on fire before the big event. It's going to be electrifying - to say the least! Plus, we got Kenny Chestnuts to perform!" told Pinkipants.

So drop by if you're in town, for what's sure to be a dazzling display of privatized ambition gone horribly wrong. "Isn't that what Independence Day is all about?" said the giddy Mayor. "You might even catch yourself a free dead lab rat and some dehydrated bag o' soups!"

-Happy 4th of July everybody!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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