Written by Meredith McGhin
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Friday, 15 May 2015

image for Anonymous Hacks Autocorrect, Changes Every Fourth Word To Pizza

The cyber watchdog group Anonymous just issued a statement claiming responsibility for the latest internet attack that has journalists, bloggers, texting addicts and people searching for cat videos all over the world shaking their fists in frustration

The assault was simple, but effective. The group managed to hack into the autocorrect database and plant a code which replaced every fourth word typed on a smart device with the word pizza. They also made it impossible to change or delete the word pizza once it was changed. This obviously unleashed a wave of chaos across the globe, not only for newspapers and online publications, but for everyone who needed to type anything for any reason.

"The world needs to realize their dependence on technology so they can begin to unplug and learn to survive off-grid," the masked pokesman said. "We went to extreme measures to show them how widespread the problem was. We want the word pizza to become synonymous with the words tyranny, oppression and disaster in their minds."

Perhaps the group does have a valid point, but as usual the method with which they chose to convey their message was unforgivable. Dorothy Matthews, a seventy year old grandmother from Pensacola, Florida summed it up best.

"It's hard enough trying to keep up with all the changes and learn new things at my age. I've only been texting with my grandkids for a year. When I got a message that I was just pizza this and pizza that, pizza pizza pizza I thought they must be brinfing a group of friends for dinner. I made eleven pizzas that will now be wasted because I don't even like pizza, and niether do my cats!"

*Editor's note: We apology for the delay in publication of this article. The original obviously fell victim to "Pizzagate" and was unreadable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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