Science Town, USA In a surprising announcement, Bulgarian scientists have shown that based on their latest calculations, Earth no longer qualified as a full planet and would have to be downgraded to a dwarf planet.
Response from around Earth was instantaneous. "Why that's ridiculous! I will NOT live on a dwarf planet! This is just not acceptable! Who do I have to bribe or fire to fix this?" asked famous blowhard Donald Trump.
"This is obviously Obama's fault" said Speaker of the House John Boner.
Favorable comments about the Earth's new dwarf designation WERE received from the Lollipop Guild and the Dwarf Union.