Written by StubbornGorilla
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Topics: Space, Astronomy

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

image for Cool Sounding "Planet X" draws attention away other more worthwhile celestial bodies

Theoretical planet, Planet X is again making headlines despite the fact that there are curious discoveries on other real, existing planetary bodies.

Planet X, also known as Nibiru (another cool sounding alias), is an undiscovered enormous planet thought to lie beyond Neptune, and be responsible for orbital anomalies of some of the solar system's outlying planets and other objects.

"Most people have only ever heard of it, because of its awesome name," Neil de Grasse Tyson, famous Astrophysicist and poo-pooer of Pluto's planetary designation has been quoted as saying. "Your average person probably doesn't even realize that it is not an officially recognized object. They believe it's a real planet."

Professor Carlos de la Fuente has also stated that ETNOs (extreme trans-Neptunian objects) are very likely to exist based on how an excessive number of objects beyond Neptune and Pluto "are flying all over the freaking place!" furthering the case for the existence of Planet X.

Meanwhile, on the surface of Ceres, the only dwarf planet existing within the inner solar system, observations have confirmed the existence of something large and extremely reflective.

"The reflection is probably caused by a large frozen body of water on the planet's surface," Tyson has stated, "There is probably more fresh water on Ceres than there is on planet earth, but you don't know that because you didn't even know Ceres existed until you just read it," the famous scientist added.

Hair Gymnast and media representative for Erich von Daniken's Center for Ancient Astronaut Research, Giorgio A. Tsoukalos has speculated, "That could even be lights from an alien civilization. Unfortunately, it was seen on a dwarf planet that shares its naming origin with cereal, so nobody really gives a crap."

Tsoukalos added, "Now Planet X, that's a name that grabs attention. It makes me think about the possibility of space pirates burying treasure there, or maybe the home planet of a space monster. I can see the headline now: "It Came From Planet X!" How cool does that sound?!"

Asked what scientific breakthrough may come out of Planet X De Grasse Tyson said, "It's such a distant object that even your great great grandchildren are unlikely to gain any valuable scientific knowledge from its existence if it is ever, indeed, proven."

He went on to express his doubt about any value Planet X could have for humanity in the future, "You'll end up mining more helium-3 from my ass than you ever will from Planet X, so take that for what it's worth."

The Planet Ceres was asked what it thought about all of this, "I think the fact that my name doesn't even come up until the third paragraph in a story about me tells you all you need to know."

The clearly agitated dwarf planet expounded, "I mean seriously, somebody call up Niburu's publicist for me, because they do a hell of a job. Why don't you go ask *Enceladus what it thinks about Titan. I'm sure you'll get a similar response."

Asked why they thought they were not better known, Ceres replied, "Are you kidding me?! Most people couldn't even name all of the planets much less concern themselves with a dwarf planet like me. I mean how could there be things out there with names like Makemake that more people haven't heard about? This is clearly a case of educational apathy. If you can't learn it from watching "The Biggest Loser" or "The Real Housewive of Orage County" people just aren't interested in it."

* Enceladus was unavailable for comment

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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