Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 28 December 2014

image for Comet 67P Churyumov-Gerasimenko 'is part of Martian crematorium' says NASA
X marks the spot on the planet's Cydonia Mountains region where the crematorium was originally located

Pasadena, California - Scientists studying new imagery from the crashed Rosetta probe have described Comet 67P as an enormous chunk of artificial masonry, part of the legendary - and exclusive! - Royal Martian Crematorium, a sort of ancient alien Crem de la Creme.

Astro-architects at NASA's Jet Convulsion Laboratory believe a nuclear explosion during the Red Planet's five centuries-long conflict with the Kardashian - uh, Cardassian! - Umpire (sick) dislodged the Martian burial chamber from its Cydonian Mountains home.

The ceremonial mausoleum was then ejected from the planet's atmospheric system before hurtling into its own bizarre orbit gathering up the mountains of space garbage in its wake ahead of an eventual fatal collision with the sun.

This weekend imagery of 67P's funerary carvings and other lapidiary artefucts were on display at NASA's Alien Cultures website.

Not much actual factual data is given about the crematorium apart from references to it in the Ancient Egyptian Book of the Grateful Dead, a 5th century BC funerary primer that used astrological maps to pinpoint the post-death journey to the Great Temple of the Afterlife.

However NASA experts reckon the Martian crematorium's foundations probably looked a lot like Stonehenge in Great Britain.

A virtual gallery tour of the stricken Martian monument will be onlone from next Sunday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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