Written by KendoMonkey
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Friday, 24 November 2006

image for iPod to come with digital love sensor
Two in yer ears, two up yer nose

Apple are set to launch a new iPod with an interesting add-on accessory - the digital love sensor. The sensor fits into the USB connector and assesses your ability to be a lover.

Apple spokesperson Mariah Von Closet, told us:

"'How good a lover are you?' screams the slogan on many a love-tester machine in bars, pubs and arcades around the country. We are getting in on the act by giving our iPodders a chance to test their own virility. We expect it to be above the national average because of the pure sexiness of the iPod itself."

The sensor consists of two metal prongs which you stick up your nose. The device then measure impedence across the nasal linings by sending out a short electrical impulse. The readings are then given on your iPod, showing a number in iLove points. The iPod gives you your reading on the following scale:

1-50: Frigid
51-100: Somewhat sexy
101-150: Inclined to take off clothes in public places
151-200: Inclined not to wear clothes at all
200-250: Sexy beast

When we tested here at The Spoof Towers, we found there were still teething problems with the technology - for some reason it kept saying that I was Frigid.

The device will be on sale for Christmas and will cost in the region of £400-1000, depending on whether you want it in pink, shiny black, or with the name of a pet engraved on it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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