London - (Associated Mess): A senior police officer has told a British Medical Association conference that most heroin addicts in the UK are born with an inexplicable birth defect in the form of a congenital cannabis deficiency.
This usually leads to opiate enslavement in later life and dependency on crime to finance the habit.
The officer told BMA experts that it would make more sense to treat junkies with high-grade skunk products which they could grow in the privacy and convenience of their own back yards.
Alternative treatment schemes suggested this week such as offering smack on the NHS would open the Government to charges of State-sponsored dealing.
And methadone replacement programmes clearly didn't work on heroin addicts for the same reason that alcoholics couldn't be cured by swapping prescription-only vodka for whisky.
The conference continues.