Written by Auntie Matter
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Monday, 11 August 2014

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Scientists at the Hadron Particle Accelerator outside Geneva, Switzerland are all excited at being given 'permission' to conduct a "ground breaking" particle experiment in the 27 kilometre long tunnel.

Lead particles will be accelerated at velocities close to the speed of light to collide with plutonium quarks. This is considered to be a very dangerous 'experiment' indeed as the possible outcomes are many and still unclear.

One participating scientist is currently in a Geneva jail after storming a television station to interrupt a news broadcast and declare that "the human race is fucked!!". He is on medication and not expected to be released any time soon. Several other scientists have gone into hiding, one recently turning up at an Ashram in Poona India.

Said Swedish scientist Feck Yall leading the experiment:

"We are delighted that we got the go-ahead. Worst scenario... we blow the universe to kingdom come. But ...what the hell... that would only mean we got it wrong. No scientist can expect to be right all the time and it is unfair to expect that of them."

Where exactly the scientists got their "permission" from to play Russian Roulette with all life as we know it; and, who exactly empowered themselves to "give" it to them, is a bigger mystery than the structure of the atom.

Fingers crossed we are still around next week to find out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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