Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 15 July 2014

image for Crop circle circumcises Cerne Abbas Giant's dick
Visible to the naked eye from the International Space Station

Cerne Abbas, Dorset - A crop circle has been blamed for emasculating the huge erect penis of a 180ft ancient Neolithic colossus known as the Cerne Abbas Dick. Uh, Giant.

Carved into a Dorset chalk hillock over 10,000 years ago the club-wielding figure depicts the Roman warrior Hercules with a hard-on and a big smile on his cheeky face.

This morning farmers from the Jolly Naked Green Giant farmstead were preparing a rapeseed oil field for harvest when the discovery occurred.

Witnesses report that the newly sprung crop circle has effectively circumcised the ithyphallic monster whose massive member is visible to the naked eye from outer space.

And it's not the first time this kind of extra-terrestrial field etching has tampered with the Cerne Abbas Giant.

Last year aliens were suspected behind an attack that plonked a huge condom carving on the warrior's schlong.

That really upset the Druids who use the site as a kind of pagan fertility site for annual insemination ceremonies.

A companion figure located in East Sussex and known as the Long Man of Wilmington was also defaced narrowly surviving castration during the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.

Expect plenty more desecrations as the crop circle season unfolds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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