Washington D.C. - An epidemic of hard drive crashes is sweeping this city and, for the first time in history, the number has exceeded the total number of car crashes that have occurred within the city limits since 2011.
It is truly uncanny how many hard drives have crashed that belong to people working hard for the current administration. The latest victim is April Sands who works for the Federal Elections Commission.
Ms. Sands was minding her own business, possibly doing some illegal work on behalf of someone in the administration, when a co-worker threw their keyboard across the room out of frustration over being passed over for a promotion, and it crashed right into Ms. Sand's hard drive.
The incident happened so fast that there was no time to back up the hard drive and the data is likely lost forever, making criminal charges against Ms. Sands unlikely.
The rash of hard drive crashes recently by government workers has experts baffled. After each crash, the owners of the hard drives involved must submit to a drug test but, so far, this has not yielded any clues about why so many are happening all of a sudden.
Usually, a surge in crashes like this would prompt the administration to push hard for new regulations and oversight abilities but this time they seem relatively unconcerned.
As of press time, no people have suffered any consequences from any of the hard drive crashes and their families are just grateful nobody was hurt in any of the mishaps.
We would just like to remind the public that operating a hard drive is a privilege, not a right. Please exercise caution when online and don't forget to ALWAYS compute defensively!