Written by Frank Michaels
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Topics: Space, Elon Musk

Thursday, 5 June 2014

image for The New Space Age Arrives Where the Old One Left Off
Security guard on a 'morning after' at his guard post

Elon Musk's Space Exploration Technologies (SpaceX), along with Sierra Nevada, have decided to join in an effort to make space exploration a thing for all by mimicking the United Launch Alliance (ULA); a monopoly effort between Boeing and Lockheed.

The idea is to make space vehicles as common as automobiles, with various brands and models, all in motion. Between SpaceX and Sierra Nevada, this could be realized with the arrival of both the Dragon V2 and the Dreamchaser. And considering that each has so many unique qualities, it would be like shopping a car lot between SUVs and Sedans.

On a quiet night just prior to unveiling his marvelous new manned Dragon design, Elon Musk was seen out on the high desert of California, not far from where Chuck Yeager was once the first to break the sound barrier and where Pancho Barnes once held court at her Happy Bottom Riding Club.

Unofficially (of course), Musk offered, "This is where it all began and this is where I come to find strength and resolve. Here, right now in these desert sands, there are still old rusty beer cans, broken margarita glasses and most surprisingly, used condoms that are over 60 years old that have never degraded or become brittle! This speaks to the might and the drive of the American dream of aviation, of booze and sex... and then again to the next day, with more flight followed by more booze and even more gooey sex!"

Out on the periphery, where once stood military guard shacks through the Cold War, today one finds portable air conditioned trailers occupied by private security firms from places like China and Pakistan. During most of the long, hot summer days, the guards/personnel spend inside with 'special' company from today's modern version of Pancho's.

USAF Captain, Jose Miguez offered this, "The Chinese are fairly reliable except on Mondays and Thursdays when they get stoned on Peyote and crawl under their front steps to bark at passing UFOs. The Pakistanis do tend to lean towards what they can't get at home... booze and women, without fear of the local Taliban shooting them up in the middle of the night. Between the two, the base is only violated maybe a half dozen times per week by Russians and Iranians."

When Musk was asked more about the safety of the base, he replied, "We have our own people around our facilities... and Pancho's has the best steaks you'll ever taste! Besides that, we don't have to worry about Harry Reid or the BLM here. We have Tesla robotic vehicles mounted with laser-guided, high velocity, titanium tipped stoner darts. Anyone who isn't s'posed to be here will wake up back at Pancho's with a very hefty bill for all the psychedelic entertainment."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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