Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 June 2014

image for Polls don't tell us anything
Asking people who don't know, without a "don't know" answer gives false positives.

According to a recent poll conducted by the Polish Polling organisation, Dollop, the British public do not believe polls can tell us anything about the nation's thoughts.

"Polls are," said Dollop Pole, Polly Pauls, "largely useless. Apparently."

The poll asked several questions in order to discover the exact amount of use a poll has when gauging opinion, in order to find people's opinions on polls.

"We discovered that people really on take part in polls on subjects with which they largely agree," said Polly Pauls, the Polish pollster. "This skews results, although we suspect that only people who liked doing polls took part in this one."

How do pollsters know that people know the answer?

"Well we don't," said Polly Pauls, "we don't include a don't know answer. Generally, people just pick one of the options if they don't know."

The Polling Pollsters poll has also discovered that polls don't really ask all of the right questions.

"We've had to guess the answer for that one," said Polly Pauls, "We forgot to put it on the question sheet. However, lots of people told us about it."

A final massive insight into polls that Dollop discovered was that all polls are too long.

"That's a mistake we won't be repeating," Polly Pauls said. "In future , we'll only ask one question, and have two options, such as 'Should Scotland be independent? No or Absolutely Not'."

The final discovery from the polling poll was that questions have biased answers that lead the person polled to an answer the pollsters want.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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