Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: PS3, Playstation

Thursday, 16 November 2006

image for Playstation 3 Doubles as a Vacuum Cleaner

Bristol Parrish, author of the award winning pamphlet "For $499 DOLLARS This **** BETTER Do More Than Just Play Games For Cryin Out Loud" shocked the gaming community by revealing 101 mind-boggling secret capabilities of Sony's new PS3 gaming console.

According to Parrish's book all you have to do is purchase Sony's nozzle/hose/suction attachment, hook it up to the PS3 and you've not only got a vacuum cleaner but an adult toy as well (Sony assumes no responsibility for injury to personal private areas). Parrish says that the PS3 can also be used as:

  • An IED (Improvised Explosive Device) - imagine armed terrorists just busted into your house, tied you and your family upstairs while they (the terrorists) are downstairs playing the Legend Of Zelda on the Playstation 3. Not a problem according to Sony. Simply pull out your PS3 remote, click "Go BOOM", then sit back, enjoy the fireworks. (IED mode not legal in Texas, Georgia and parts of Mississippi)
  • Dishwasher - buy the whirl 'n swirl attachment, drop the PS3 into the sink along with a few drops of liquid soap (also available from Sony) .. get your dishes sparkling clean while playing a game of Donkey Kong during the dry cycle.
  • Home Security System - the optional laser infra red sensor attachment will when coupled with the PS3 fry the brains of any intruder within 10 feet of the PS3. Parental discretion advised using Home Security mode.
  • Spare tire - you just had a flat. Unfold your PS3, push INFLATE, screw in the 5 lugs, drive to the nearest tire shop. (Sony recommends not driving more than 75 miles on the PS3).
  • Weapon - simply unplug the PS3, BONK your attacker over the head with it .. works every time according to Sony.


With over 95 other undocumented features of the Play Station 3 including kitty litter box, hedge trimmer, communicator with the dead, emergency floatation device, low fat grill, etc, Bristol Parrish's book at $19.95 is a bargain if not a deal and as Parrish puts it, at $499 dollars it BETTER do more than just play games. For cryin out loud.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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