Written by El Capitaz
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Tuesday, 13 May 2014

image for Windows 8 Used to Cure the Criminally Insane
HELP ME I DON'T WANT TO USE BING AS MY DEFAULT SEARCH ENGINE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Recent reports indicate that State Mental Hospitals across the country are treating their worst cases of insanity by forcing patients to use a computer running Windows 8 for prolonged periods of time.

"It's true" confirmed a spokesperson for the State of Washington Department of Social and Health Services, on the condition of anonymity.

"It's been very useful, especially with the criminally insane. We don't know for sure how it works, but shortly after Windows 8 was released, we noticed a large influx of new cases of insanity. People were bringing in their family members for treatment after a few days of working with the new operating system.

Well it was a longshot, but we figured, ya know, if this software is driving normal people insane, perhaps it will have the opposite effect on those who are already unbalanced. And sure enough, we tried it on our most hopeless cases of psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar personality disorder-across the board we saw immediate results.

Now instead of constantly trying to hurt themselves or others, they only want to kill the machine and whoever programmed it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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