Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Technology

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

image for MicroGoo reveals latest wearable technology
Monocles can be worn in both eyes for users who prefer to multitask - but they must be set up to respond to different voices

The international technology conglomerate MicroGoo have released their latest wearable technology this week, and it is sure to be the ultimate fashion accessory for hipsters everywhere. It is the internet monocle and it is the first ever single-eyed device capable of browsing the world wide web.

As well as looking at websites, users of the monocle will experience a richer and more informative view of the world. When the wearer views a recognisable landmark through the monocle, text will be displayed on the glass itself to say what it is. Extra options are available which can describe out loud to the wearer what they are looking at.

I tried the monocle out for myself in my own neighbourhood in Dorking, and was astonished that when I viewed the sign at the end of my road for Road Street, the monocle displayed a label in the middle of the eyepiece clearly indicating, "Road Street". I then looked at my own house through the device and the voice described it as "a brown thing". This gadget is a must-have for the blind.

It has been designed to be as easy to use as possible, and is controlled entirely through voice commands. I made a phone call using the device, by simply saying in a loud clear voice, "Monocle telephone operator! Please open a voice channel to Herbert". In a matter of seconds, I could feel the vibrations in the monocle of my editor Herbert's voice as he spoke to me using his ordinary telephone. Other names can be used instead if you want to phone somebody other than Herbert, as long as you add them to your contacts list.

At a bargain price of only £1,999, the internet monocle is sure to be popular among the trendy and the stylishly geeky and no doubt we will all be wearing one in a few years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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