Written by Jack Allen
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Topics: Facebook

Thursday, 5 June 2014

image for "People You May Know" Removed From Facebook
Today I ate some tuna and shat on someone's bed. Oh, and I learnt how to type!

It has been scientifically proven that anyone who has added someone after finding them through the 'people you may know' feature on Facebook is a colossal cretin, leading Facebook to delete the feature.

Social networking research experts Pew Research revealed the obvious fact on Twitter today that this feature is of little value on the online user. The feature, which allowed you to easily find people from your school days that you hoped had already passed away, had always been the most pointless part of the website since its inception. However, today's announcement about the people who use it has made it official.

A social media commentator had this to say:

"As of today the 'people you may know' function will be disabled. It is clear that you'd f*****g add someone if you wanted to by knowing their name and remembering them! How does having suggestions come up to add a former friend who's also got a profile for their cat enhance your Facebook experience?! Also, it makes people into friend whores, who just can't get enough of their 2,000 best buddies. Only a dick would use this feature. I'm off to fire the person who gave the all-clear for this feature."

Facebook later stated that all users would be investigated regarding their previous use of this feature and will be sent links to other things massive cretins also like in the upcoming months. For example, a free DVD of White Chicks, heavily discounted tickets for One Direction gigs, and money off membership to the Piers Morgan fan club will be offered to those who used the now deleted feature via the new 'unnecessary shit for unnecessary people' feature.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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