The US Department of Commerce has not renewed a contract with ICANN, the private, independent US-based organization which has ably overseen worldwide issuance of web addresses/URLs.
Our reporters have learned that supervisory authority over the Internet will now pass to a UN organization, the Progressive Consortium for International Collective Solidarity (PCICS), unless the US Government decisively acts to retain control.
Based on the research and interviews conducted by our intrepid reporters, we have been able to obtain a preview of the Progressive Consortium compliance regulations which will govern Internet operations. Here is a sample of what we have discovered.
Going forward all URLs approved by the PCICS must end with the initials of our Illustrious Founder and Most Exalted Chairman-for-Life Abu Sinbad Hassigh Og-Lemeelli -ASHOLI.
Effective immediately all applications for Internet Web-sites must submit a request to our most exalted Chairman-for-Life with a submission fee of $100,000 wired to a Cayman Islands bank account which number shall be supplied upon application receipt.
Ongoing monitoring of web-site content shall be standard PCICS operating procedure. Only appropriate language and suitably acceptable political views shall be presented on Net web-sites. Overall guidance for web content is contained in the illustrious tome "Abu Sinbad's Treasury of Wit, Wisdom, and Dogma", and potential web-site licensees are directed to adhere to its pontifications.
It shall be specifically mandatory for all Internet web-sites to expressly state that "Climate Change is the Constant Reality and the Most Dangerous Destructive Threat to the Planet", as proclaimed by our Most Exalted and Glorious Master.
An integral part of ongoing web address licensing is the stipulation of transmitting daily three of the licensee's "hot babe" photo collection (including the phone contact info of the "hot babes"). Licensees are also cautioned that transmitting any "coyote ugly" photos as a substitute for "hot babe" photos shall cause immediate suspension of the web address and its removal from the Net. As in all things, the final arbiter on "hot babe" photos shall be our Most Exalted and Glorious Master--ASHOLI.
We wanted to obtain additional information about PCICS compliance regulations for web-sites, but the reporters working on this story suddenly disappeared, allegedly last seen fleeing from a cadre of black-garbed ninja-like figures outside the UN building. More to come-maybe….