Written by J'oui Nigear Fajet
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Thursday, 20 March 2014

image for Universe's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.

Earlier this week, a team of physicists from Harvard (ever heard of it?) provided direct evidence of cosmic inflation. If validated, this would be the smoking gun for the Big Bang model of the creation of the universe.

While the scientific world rejoiced, thousands of couples of differing religious backgrounds engaged in relationship-ending arguments about the discoveries validity and meaning.

"It's further proof that God doesn't exist," said Brian Leguerto, 28, who recently ended a four year relationship with Jessica Bines, 22. Bines is a Christian from Mississippi and refuses to believe in scientific evidence that refutes the Bible.

"Like, how do they know what happened?" Bines posits. "Isn't that faith? Faith in science?"

Mr. Leguerto, who was brought up on assault charges after Monday's findings, believes that science and the scientific method are the only ways to make sense of the universe we live in.

All around the country, arguments like this are raging between couples, and according to one Executive, ChristianMingle's user base has risen 300%.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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