GENOA, Italy - Pope Francis recently spoke in Genoa at a convention of retired Bingo card manufacturers.
He thanked each and every one of them and told them that thanks to them the church was able to raise a total of $47 million which will certainly come in handy to pay off some of the countless lawsuits brought on by frisky priests.
The pope added that without the help of the Bingo card makers the Vatican may have been forced to close over 700 churches worldwide.
He went on to say that chemists have devised a new method of telling if a priest is likely to develop molesting tendencies.
The test consists of inserting a suppository pill into the individual's (blank) and then four hours later testing his saliva for the Spillaticacocus gene (which is a gene that 99.93 percent of all molesters carry).
SIDENOTE: So far the new pill has only been tested on laboratory rats but Pope Francis has said that he will soon be picking out 70 priests to participate in a human test.