Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Space, NASA

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

image for Hubble Space Telescope Revamped under Direction of Bill O'Reilly
Nerdy Ned in the No Spin Zone

Controversial FOX News star Bill O'Reilly has hurled himself into another controversy. His critics are not sure what annoys them more: the fact that he's getting the Hubble telescope revamped or the fact that he's renaming it the "O'Reillyubble."

NASA continues to report that it's planning to 'repair' the orbiting telescope in 2008. Yeah, right. Here's the real story. It all started several months ago when O'Reilly opined in the newsroom that the Hubble telescope was a big waste of money, dealing with intergalactic items (stars, planets, etc.) that weren't as important to "the folks" as earthly issues such as price gouging, embezzlement, and Enron-type scandals. That was when Nerdy Ned (pictured here) said that, with the right kind of computer support, he could hack into NASA computers and re-program the Hubble to turn its direction downward toward earth, collecting information from boardrooms and executive suites at global companies. O'Reilly wrote a check to Ned, and the revamping began.

Rosie O'Donnell and David Letterman, recent sparring partners of O'Reilly, are jumping up and down with outrage at this latest stunt. O'Reilly's response? "Most ridiculous item of the day. Let them scream, yell, and enjoy their tantrums in their own little sandboxes. Just as long as they stay out of mine."

O'Reilly has, however, agreed to appear on the TV show of Dr. Keith Ablow (an up-and-coming Dr. Phil wannabe) to discuss the Hubble revamping. The show will appear during sweeps week later this month and is expected to top the ratings for a previous show that Ablow had with John Mark Carr, the infamous interloper in the JonBenet Ramsey murder case.

Meanwhile, Nerdy Ned shuns publicity and continues to spin his magic in The No Spin Zone. However, he has confided to friends what's next for the O'Reillyubble -- development of special spy cam programs to keep track of the activities of liberals, Christmas haters, and anyone the world over who doesn't watch 'The O'Reilly Factor' at least once a week. Ned has become like a chip off the old block (the O'Reilly Block, that is), letting people know, "We're looking out for YOU."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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