WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Weather is issuing extreme cold warnings from the Dakota's, to The Great Lakes region, and over to the New Jersey area.
USDW meteorologists predict that the Yukon Polar Vortex or YPV, will cause a lot of havoc especially to the area ducks who should have gone south back when they had a chance.
The state of Michigan is reportedly rounding up its flamingo population and they will all be FedExed down to Pensacola, Florida.
Fish, of course will just end up freezing like they always do.
The USDW has sent out advisories that the temperatures should dip down all the way to minus 117 in Fargo, North Dakota; minus 116 in Minneapolis, Minnesota; minus 115 in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and minus 109 in Passiac, New Jersey.
All residents of affected states are urged to bring in all plants (if potted of course), all pets, and any elderly folks they may happen to see walking around lost.
SIDENOTE: The USDW wants the public to know that they have in their possession about 172 military flamethrowers that are for sale on a first come first serve basis to anyone who wishes to buy one to help remove snow. Interested parties can log onto the Internet and go to www.niftyflamethrowers.hot.