Written by Auntie Jean
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Wednesday, 26 February 2014

image for Square root of minus one is an imaginary number, Stephen Hawking says
Michael Gove

Professor Stephen Hawking. has disclosed that maths teachers have been kidding about J, the square root of minus one. It apparently does not exist in the natural universe.

A market trader from Basildon blew the whistle on the myth on Saturday morning. "I was sorting out my fruit stall, when a lady asked for some bananas. How many my darling?, I asked. She then asked me for J bananas, which everyone knows is the square root of minus one. I tried to count out J bananas into a bag and found out that I simply could not do it, no how many different combinations of prime numbers and algorithms I used. I phoned Stephen Hawking, who immediately admitted the fallacy.

"Well, mathematics works out a hell of a lot better if we make numbers up all the time, he explained, for instance if we stop using the imaginary number J, we would have to un invent colour televisions and DVDs , so the ball is really in the public's court, honesty or entertainment the choice works out to be". Michael Gove, the Governments's weirdness expert and irritating know it all, said "Children who make up numbers in their maths exams will still have to run around the playing fields twelve times. "Professor Hawking clearly knows what he is talking about, but only experts should make numbers up to solve problems with".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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