Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 16 February 2014

image for A Consumer Advocate Claims Some Bottled Water May Contain As Much As 400 Calories
Most U.S. bottled water comes from the Gulf of Mexico.

CHICAGO - According to The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency there is a consumer advocate who is making an astounding claim regarding bottled drinking water.

The ADGA said that Hannibal Linoleum, 49, who works for the consumer advocate group known as We Got Your Back has been researching bottled water for over four years.

Mr. Linoleum is now letting the public know that most shoppers who buy bottled water think that it has no calories.

But he has documented proof that a 16 ounce bottle of water actually contains 403 calories.

He stated that he has done diligent research on over 271 different brands of bottled water.

Linoleum did say that some 16-ounce bottles had 391-397 calories while others had as much as 409-415 calories.

He explained that overall the average was right at 403 or 403ΒΌ to be exact.

SIDENOTE: Hannibal Linoleum has sent the information to President Obama and he is asking that the president issue a presidential directive which will force the bottled water manufacturers to print up new ingredient labels with the correct calories number.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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