Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 15 February 2014

image for Every Bird In New York City Has Gone South To Florida and They'll Probably Never Ever Come Back
Birds hate snow and airplanes.

NEW YORK CITY - One of the nation's top experts on birds and their migratory habits has just stated that the birds are having hell with the harsh-as-hell winter.

Dr. Hamlet Chimney of Harvard held a news conference in Central Park and told joggers and park goers that every single bird in the city of New York has left and gone to Florida.

The doctor remarked that birds are not dumb and they know that if they hang around freezing weather their wing ailerons will freeze up and they will basically become non-flying birds, and eventually will be completely covered up by snow and black ice.

City officials are concerned that once Spring rolls around there won't be any pigeons around for the tourists to feed Cheetos, Fritos, and peanuts to.

SIDENOTE: Dr. Chimney has said that the odds of birds leaving sunny, fun-filled Florida and returning to New York City are about 1 in 919,000.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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