WASHINGTON, D.C. - The snow situation in the United States has gotten way, way out of hand.
Meteorologists report that there is currently snow in 49 of the 50 states. The only state that has no snow is the Plywood State of Florida.
Florida's Department of Tourism reports that just in the past seven days, the state has seen an unbelievable 4 million people travel down to Florida to avoid the damn friggin snow (as roughly 63 percent of all adults refer to it).
New York City resident Lysander Cookmist, 74, told a reporter for American Spotlight Magazine that he has already lost a car and a bicycle to the snow and he figured that he better head south before he loses his wife Winnie to the dreaded white stuff.
The U.S. Department of Weather has said that as amazing as it sounds, it is possible that Miss Liberty (the Statue of Liberty) could end up getting buried in snow all the way up to statuesque butt.
SIDENOTE: Several East Coast cities including Philadelphia and Trenton have actually hired Louisiana voodoo woman Madam Lottie Jo Lafayette to cast a magic spell which will hopefully put a stop to the effen snow.