WASHINGTON, D.C. - A hot topic of debate on Capital Hill is how to recycle NASA. "What the heck is NASA for?" Joe Citizen is asking.
No longer a viable institution, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration has been the agency of the United States government responsible for the nation's civilian space program and for aeronautics and aerospace research.
No more. There simply isn't enough money. However, lawmakers realize that to throw out all the NASA emblazoned signs, space shuttles, stationary, jet propulsion fuel, bomber jackets, lunar modules, ball caps, rockets, space food and beverages, vehicles, mugs, personalized pens, flight simulators, etc. would be a gross misuse of taxpayer money and trust.
"We have had several brainstorming sessions in closed committees, trying to think of ideas. Ideas outside the box, so to speak," reports Congressman Skip Delacourte. "Actually, we are thinking 'outside the country', too."
Delacourte reports that the most popular idea to date is to try to sell everything to Namibia, an African country, so they can use the items for their own national agency. One example would be Namibian African Shuttlebus Agency.
"Obviously, we had to find countries that started with the letter "N". We ruled out Nicaragua, New Zealand, Norway and Nigeria for various top secret reasons," commented Delacourte. "We settled on Namibia as it seemed like the most appropriate location."
Delacourte explained that our space shuttles could be converted into buses to transport people, chickens, cows, and farm products throughout the Namibian countryside, which includes vast stretches of desert.
According to Delacourte, "The lunar rovers could also be utilized to traverse the Sossusvlei sand dunes, similar to the way they were used on the moon. Flight Simulators could be utilized to train bus drivers for difficult scenarios they might encounter. Rockets could be remodeled and used as modern Tribal Huts, serving as inns for weary travelers. Even space food and beverages could easily be repurposed as snacks on the longer bus trips."
When asked to comment, a spokesman for the Namibian Government, expressed surprise that such an idea was being contemplated. "How would we, a poor country, pay for such equipment?" he asked through a translator. "We cannot imagine a great country like the United States would take cattle in payment!"
When asked to comment on the Namibian spokesman's comment, Congressman Delacourte replied, "How much IS a cow worth these days? I'll have to have my aide research that question and then get back to you."
Meanwhile, employees of NASA are on tenterhooks, contemplating their own uncertain futures. Many are considering moving to the Russian or Chinese space programs, which are still being funded.
One employee, who asked to remain anonymous, stated, "Most of us would rather eat Chinese yuxiang pork or Russian goulash with buckwheat, than give up our dream of space exploration!"