Written by Trinculoman
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Monday, 27 January 2014

image for Latest Breakthrough in Global Climate Change Scientific Measurement Has Direct Connectivity to Al Gore's Ass

The latest advance in wearable technology has produced a startling breakthrough in the ongoing quest to track measurement of the deleterious impact of global climate change.

It has been scientifically established that Al Gore himself is the world's main source of methane gas effluents and thus the main proximate cause of ground level air pollution adversely impacting global climate change. It has been previously noted by the National Climatic Data Center (NCDC) that high concentrations of methane gas degrade atmospheric quality, because they increase ground level temperatures when "cooked" by the sun, as well as resulting in health problems caused by air stagnation.

Based upon research findings of Dr. Siegfried Bumsniffer of the San Jose Institute of Wearable Stealth Technology (funded by grants from the NCDC), the unnerving increase in methane gas contamination in recent years is directly attributable to emissions from Al Gore's ass. Bumsniffer's cutting-edge wearable device -a patented discreet underwear-embedded fart monitor with gaseous hyper-sensor --- was surreptitiously incorporated into Gore's XXXL-sized boxer shorts in cooperation with the environmentally conscious Bigg Butt Guys Underwear Ltd.

Unconfirmed rumors have been circulating for years about the extent of the "Gore Methane Menace", but it finally came down to the direct testimony of various courageous members of the film crew of "An Inconvenient Truth" that the actual environmental hazard emanating from Gore was grave in the extreme. In fact, it was the brave statements of these stalwart few (since placed in Witness Protection) that directly refuted the inevitable excuses and comments from Gore's wide circle of adherents (who, it should be noted, are invariably seen wearing gas masks when in his company), who state that "Oh, that's just Al cutting the cheese." These brave crew members who at great peril to their own health "sniffed out" the Methane Menace should really be awarded some sort of National Medal for Environmental and Human Safety Preservation. Alas, it reflects the current state of our culture that they now live in fear for their lives from the rabid horde of Gore advocates.

As a result of the scientific findings, Gore has now been declared a "Hazardous Waste Site" by the NCDC, and, in retaliation the Gore legions are conducting a concerted "Fart-In" on the NCDC premises. Whereas glacier volumes may be shrinking, there is also an ever expanding explosion of Gore-ite Methane Menace contamination.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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